Modesty 2.0

Do we still have modesty standards in the Church?

Way back in August, 2022, I wrote an article for Public Square Magazine arguing a defense for modesty in dress and grooming standards. An important part of my argument was that Church leaders have given us guidelines for grooming and so we should follow them. I said, 

“Because of the overall lack of behavioral guidelines in the Church, it should be significant when Church leaders do give specific, detailed guidelines for how to behave. One of the areas that leaders have spent time developing guidelines in is the dress and grooming standards of the Church, especially as they pertain to youth.”

I then proceeded to list several of the grooming guidelines that could be found in the “For the Strength of Youth” pamphlet. 

And then, only two months later, during the October 2022 General Conference, Elder Uchtdorf revealed to the world a new FSY pamphlet. Imagine my dismay when I looked at the new pamphlet and discovered that it no longer contained any specific dress and grooming guidelines. I had just committed myself to a defense of the necessity and goodness of those guidelines! And here was an apostle of the Lord saying that they weren’t important anymore, that we needed to focus on other things. 

I committed long ago to follow the Church leaders, and so I resigned myself to the fact that apparently things can change in the Church (imagine that!) and viewed my previous work on modesty to be a total waste of time. 

But I still felt rather shaken by Elder Uchtdorf’s talk as well as the new FSY pamphlet. Did it mean that there really were no more standards to guide us? Were young women allowed to wear sleeveless dresses to stake dances? Could young men have earrings now? Were tattoos no longer considered off limits? I heard from others that this was the case now, but I didn’t feel confident about that. There had been such a long history of teachings about the importance of respecting our bodies and dressing modestly that it felt wrong to me to dismiss it entirely with the new FSY pamphlet.

Relief or Confusion?

I’m not the only one who’s had these concerns, and for good reason. There do seem to be a lot of people who have interpreted Elder Uchtdorf’s talk and the new FSY pamphlet as being an explicit removal of restrictions. One friend reported:

“After the new FSY was announced last fall, I had a conversation with a woman I know… She has… chaffed at the FSY standards for much of her life, even though she has followed them grudgingly. She is highly influenced by culture and media, and has wanted to get a tattoo ever since they became fashionable among internet moms. She also has wanted multiple piercings, and piercings in places other than her ear. When the new FSY was announced, her response was "Finally! I knew all that stuff was unnecessary and superficial garbage! Now the church has admitted it" and she went out and got her tattoos and piercings.”

Furthermore, this idea of modesty restrictions being removed has led some to question the idea of modesty altogether. If there are no official guidelines for us to follow, should we even be teaching the principle? Another friend reported that she saw in one Facebook group someone asked about how to do an activity on modesty for young women:

“The comments were overwhelmingly condemning the very premise of the idea, suggesting that it's not the place of YW leaders to teach about modesty anymore because of the new FSY pamphlet, girls will feel judged, leave it to the parents, etc. It was definitely a shift from the conversations when I was a YW.”

Is that what church leaders want from us? To drop the topic of modesty entirely from official ward instruction? One father shared an experience where:

“Our 13-year-old told us that all the young women are wearing tank tops and accepting the idea of getting tattoos, etc., because now it’s just do whatever seems right for you. She’s asking how you would teach someone who’s convinced that everything before the new FSY booklet was published in autumn 2022 is now void, and we don’t have to keep any standard unless it gets mentioned again after that date. I’m having a hard time figuring out how to teach the new FSY booklet. I’m happy to do whatever it is the Church leaders want us to do. But…How do I answer my kids’ questions?”

Honestly, it does seem like a lot of people could be misconstruing Elder Uchtdorf’s talk and the purpose of the FSY pamphlet, using them as church sanctioned excuses for finally being able to dress how they want (among other things) without feeling guilty. But…are they?

Are Standards Actually Gone?

That was my first question; is the change in focus from guidelines to principles actually a wholesale removal of said guidelines? The first thing I did to try and answer it was to reread Elder Uchtdorf's talk. It struck me how strongly he emphasized the importance of being able to make our own choices, but also that sometimes those choices aren’t easy to make:

“God will never force eternal life on us. So He allows you to choose: Light or darkness? Good or evil? Joy or misery? Eternal life or spiritual death? It sounds like an easy choice, doesn’t it? But somehow, here on earth, it seems more complicated than it ought to be.”

Thus, the purpose of the new FSY pamphlet is to provide a “guide for making choices.” But since the best guide to making choices is Jesus Christ, the FSY pamphlet doesn’t focus on telling youth what specific choices to make. Instead, it focuses on pointing youth to Christ. We should not “focus only on rules instead of focusing on the Savior.”

Perhaps we as a church have been too worried about following modesty standards simply because we’re told to, and not because we want to. And the best way to follow rules with the proper intent is to, well, give people a chance to do just that. To let them of their own accord make the right decisions for the right reasons.

It makes me think of a home built next to a busy highway¹. When children are young, the parents might put up a fence between the yard and the road to prevent children from running into the road and getting hit by a car. The fence teaches children that playing in the road is not allowed. As the children grow older, they learn why they can’t play in the road: it’s dangerous. Then one day, the parents remove the fence. There is no longer any barrier between the children and the busy road. Would the lack of a fence signify that it is now perfectly fine to play in the road? Of course not! Rather, it would require the children to be even more obedient, because there’s nothing stopping them from playing in road (and getting hurt because of it) other than themselves and their own willingness to listen to their parents. 

I see the removal of specific guidelines in the FSY pamphlet as akin to removing a fence separating us from a dangerous place. The Lord is not saying, “Do whatever you want. (Go play in the road!) He is saying, “Let God prevail. (Obey me even when there’s nothing forcing you to obey me.)” 

But have the standards for youth actually been removed, like our proverbial fence? Not according to our leaders. “I think it’s important to know that it’s not a relaxing of standards,” said Sister Craig, former General Young Women’s presidency counselor. Young Men General President Steven J. Lund has said about this, “It’s never really been that way, has it? When we speak of a higher and holier way, that calls for us to be more vigilant about making sure that we’re complying to what Heavenly Father would have us do.” And these standards have always been in other places besides the old FSY pamphlet. For example, the Modesty section in Gospel Topics explicitly states that “we should not disfigure ourselves with tattoos or body piercings” and that we should be modest in our clothing.

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the written guidelines were the fence, and the actual standards and principles are more akin to the wisdom of not playing in the road in the first place. And since some people became so focused on the fence and what it was stopping them from doing, they mistook the removal of the fence as permission to go play in the road. It is true, the FSY pamphlet no longer explicitly says we shouldn’t get a tattoo. As Elder Uchtdorf pointed out, the new pamphlet “doesn’t make decisions for you; it doesn’t give a yes or no about every choice you might face.” It also doesn’t explicitly say we shouldn’t rob a bank. I highly doubt this implies that the Brethren are okay with members turning to a life of crime. An absence of “no” does not automatically mean “yes.”

What About Possible Exceptions?

I believe the new FSY pamphlet allows room for exceptions. This is because rules can never be applied universally. A list of do’s and don'ts wouldn’t be helpful because it could never account for all the potential situations youth will encounter in a world wide church. Part of the purpose of the new FSY pamphlet was to provide standards and principles that can be applied universally. 

For example, it seems that one principle in the FSY pamphlet is that we should be willing to be different from the trends of the world in order to honor the sacredness of our bodies. Therefore, we should avoid things that have a lasting effect on our bodies unless the Spirit says otherwise. This principle (as opposed to rule) is true whether you’re from Utah or Indonesia. In cultures where tattoos are a cultural practice that ties you to your family heritage and ancestors, perhaps there’s some room for that to be acceptable. But in cultures where tattoos are a sign of rebellion, or a way to fit in with subcultures that embraces ideas and practices that are contrary to the gospel, well, I’ll have a harder time taking seriously that the Spirit told a teenager to get tattoo. 

But on what basis can I confidently conclude they haven’t? Maybe the Spirit really is telling them to get a tattoo, or more piercings, or to wear clothing incompatible with temple garments. How would I know? Maybe I can’t, but I also don’t have to accept it flat out. I can ask questions: Why are you getting a tattoo? Is it just because you want one? How will it glorify God and serve others? Did you receive revelation on this point, and is it possible you have misunderstood? Did you read and study prior to praying? Why do you think you got revelation different from apostles and prophets? Do you think your choice to do this might negatively affect someone else who isn’t supposed to do it? Don’t you think it’s strangely convenient that your personal revelation fits whatever you want to do at the moment? And so on.

I can believe someone may very well be an exception. But one sign of that would be that they are well acquainted with prophetic statements on the subject. The have done the work to receive revelation, and that revelation is not contrary to God's economy. Another good sign that they are a legitimate exception is that almost no one knows about their exceptionality. If you actually were a tattoo exception, it’s most likely that almost no one would know you had a tattoo. True exceptions don’t wander around announcing how much of an exception they are.

A Higher, Holier Way

In his 2015 address "The Sabbath is a Delight", then-Elder Nelson explained that he used to compile lists of do’s and don’ts for Sabbath day worship. Later, he learned that his approach to the Sabbath was a sign between him and Heavenly Father. “With that understanding, [he] no longer needed lists of dos and don’ts.”

It’s important to note that President Nelson never said having lists of dos and don’ts was bad. Rather, they can serve as a sort of scaffolding, a way to help you know how to orient yourself, until you can get a feel for the things in your life that God wants you to do or not do in your life. Specific things that the prophets have mentioned to avoid (like multiple piercings, tattoos, or immodest clothing) are very helpful for kids, precisely because they don’t have a lot of practice in what following the Spirit feels like or looks like. They are still trying to “tune their strings” before they can “make music.” And lists are helpful for acclimating them.

But we all must grow up and "put away childish things." A person’s spiritual development can’t stay stay grounded in a mere “just follow the rules” mentality; they won’t be able to survive spiritually if they do. Reading Elder Uchtdorf’s talk again, the Spirit testified to me that principles are what we need greater understanding of, not just guidelines. One reason for the FSY update wasn't to do away with standards completely. It was to change the motivation for keeping them.

Perhaps the Brethren want us to have the principles and doctrines of the Gospel get rooted so far down in our hearts that the desire for a tattoo (or multiple piercings, or whatever one’s desire is) is a mute desire; it just doesn’t apply anymore. The shift from home teaching to ministering makes for an illustrative comparison. Those who really understand the spirit of ministering will still make an effort to serve their families while others use it as an excuse not to. While the expectation to visit families is no longer necessarily expected, it will nonetheless often occur naturally as one stays close to the Savior. While it is no longer strictly spelled out that one shouldn’t get tattoos, they will naturally be avoided as a consequence of seeking the Savior’s will. As President Nelson taught, “When your greatest desire is to let God prevail…many issues become nonissues!” Those without the spirit of revelation and not tethered to Christ will flounder given this "new freedom". Others will thrive and uncover hidden treasures because they are really yoked to Christ instead of being yoked to well intentioned fence laws.

Ideally, people would be more modest, not less, with the new changes. Whereas before a young woman might wear skin tight pants to a dance (because hey, it covers everything), now she might look at it differently. She might realize that she isn’t really wearing them for comfort; she wants to wear them to highlight her body and stand out. Since she’s focusing on principles of modesty now, instead of just the rules, she may decide to be more modest than technically required and wear something else.

Leaders, teachers, and especially parents, you have the right to revelation too; you have stewardship over your own flock. You’re allowed to identify things that are obviously immodest as being obviously immodest. You’re allowed to teach that we don’t just want youth to choose to be modest because they have to comply with the rule, but because they love the Lord and want to show Him through their choices that they’re truly His disciple who value the gift of their body.

Elder Maxwell said once, “The spirit of the law is superior because it demands more of us than the letter of the law. The spirit of the law insists that we do more than merely comply superficially.” We have been called upon to live a higher, holier law. A higher law never requires less of us; it requires more. Sometimes the “more” is doing the same thing as before but with the proper heart and right intent. Doing it better. Can we be given the freedom to do that without the fence between us and the road?

1. Which was actually the house I grew up in. We didn’t have a fence seperating the frontyard from the highway, and so we kids were under strict injunction to always play in the backyard.